I’m sitting here, writing this post, talking to my daughter on Facetime, and wondering what to do next. I’m not really feeling like playing the games I have installed (and I keep forgetting that I have GeForce Now, too, which makes me sad knowing I paid for it), don’t really feel like doing development, and while I would like to work on TTRPG stuff, I’m having the usual mental block that makes me not want to start.

While I could attribute any of this to general malaise, it suddenly occurred to me that part of the reason I’m not pushing ahead with creative aspects is not necessarily because I don’t have Ideas(tm), but it’s because I’m constantly second-guessing myself and am spending too much time being concerned about doing things “the right way”.

Perfect is the enemy of the good

I like that statement, but I have a hard time remembering to live by it. I can’t ever say that I’ve ever strove for a project to be “perfect”, as I am a really big fan of anything being “good enough”. No one wants to hear that the product I’m handing over is “just good enough” but really…if everything I produced was perfect, either in my opinion or in yours, then there’s no room for growth is there? That’s what I’m telling myself as I write this because perfect is the pinnacle beyond which nothing progresses. If I could craft the “perfect” TTRPG campaign, then I wouldn’t ever have to create another. If I could create the “perfect” app, then I wouldn’t ever have to create another. And if you experienced the “perfect” product, all other products would simply pale in comparison and I wouldn’t want to do that to you, especially since I might have a “good enough” product I want to pitch at a later date.

But I still worry about things not being perfect. I worry that my TTRPG creations might not just be derivative, but that they might be recognized as derivative, and that someone will instantly know from what my ideas are derived. That’s not to say that I’m recycling stories from TV, movies, or books, but let’s face facts: no one is untouched by some kind of source material. The ones who claim to be uninfluenced, or any work seemingly unrecognized, are merely better at hiding it, or have chosen some completely obscure source. I think the worst case scenario would be that at some point, a player would chime up with a “oh! Just like [insert source material here]!” or “this sounds a lot like [insert source material here]”. Would it actually be [insert source material here]? I hope not, but I would worry that any player who believes they recognize it might start to cleave to that, and it would color their gameplay decisions rather than allowing themselves to be more organic.

Of course, there’s also the fact that coming up with content is more difficult when everyone has access to everything, and I never know where people spend their time. For example, at this point any nerd worth their salt knows Sphinx-attributed riddles like the “dawn, midday, and evening” one, or situations like “one liar, one truth-teller”. Does that mean I shouldn’t ever use either? My brain says yes, because people know them, and it shows that I’m being lazy. Thinking a bit, though, that’s not entirely true because while the key to getting through the door might be familiar, it’s what’s behind the door that’s different. Or maybe the door is a mimic and the party is eaten if they answer correctly. Subverting expectations might be a way to combat the tired old puzzles that were added by my tired old brain, although subverting every single time eventually requires subversion itself, and now we’re headed down a rabbit hole that’s larger than the rabbit, and no one wants that.

You put it out there and see what happens

When I’m working on a Blender scene, I might have an idea in my head. It’s not a complete idea, like how I don’t think about the types of flowers or the specific color of the graffiti or whatnot, but I have a general concept and I work out from there. In the end, it is what it is and if I show it to someone, they get what I give them. At that point, it’s up to them to determine if they like it or not, if they have critiques or not, if they’re indifferent or not. I can’t make anyone have the exact feelings I want them to have, or to think the way I want them to think, or have the experiences I want them to have.

In the TTRPG world, the goal of the GM isn’t to shove players down a narrow corridor; it’s to lock them inside a stadium, to sit back, and to observe how they try to get out. Giving players a framework is fine, and probably should feel to the players like the GM has done no prep, but the reality is that the GM not only needs to have done prep before the session, but needs to be able to re-prep on the fly. I am not good at this because, again, the perfect is the enemy of the good. My brain is looking for the best possible bang for the buck, and in the panic that ensues as my brain lets me down, I sometimes give less than even “the good”. I try to front-load my ideas to have them on hand so I don’t have to flail, but then the players go off and do something I didn’t account for and now I’m back at square one. A very disappointing square one.

We’re in an age where people receiving a product expect very specific and limited things. Creativity isn’t a specific nor a limited thing, yet I apparently and consistently talk myself out of just letting things be good instead of forcing them, of waiting for them, or expecting them to be perfect. I need to learn to allow myself to just put ideas on paper and feel them out, consider how they work or don’t work, and revise, remove, or let them be as needed. I used to be able to do this, but I guess in my old age I’ve become more focused on the perfect than the good. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just something that happens when we age, or maybe I’m just worried about being perceived as someone who doesn’t have ideas that are good enough for other people to spend their time with. I need to try a different approach to my creativity, and aim for the good rather than the perfect.